ADVANCED MEN'S DEVELOPMENT · THE QUESTION BENEATH
Most arguments are two people answering questions nobody asked.
This isn't a quiz. You'll write your own answers, in your own words, about one conversation that went sideways. Five steps. Give it fifteen to twenty honest minutes.
Before we start
Who was the conversation with?
One conversation only. Name them, or pick one below.
My partner
My kid
A parent
A team member
A mate
YOUR CONVERSATION MAP
Two questions. Neither one asked out loud.
ABOUT THAT CHARGE
BASED ON WHAT YOU WROTE
ONE MORE THING
After all that, where do you actually sit?
Not where you want to be. Where you actually are right now, when a conversation gets charged. Pick honestly.
4Hearing the Question
You hear the question beneath the words, and you answer that first.
3Checking It
You feel the charge and check what you heard before you react.
2Replay
You see afterwards what they were really asking. You run it back.
1Talking Past
You answer the words. They answer theirs. Two arguments, one room.
YOU JUST DID STEP ONE THROUGH FIVE OF THE QUESTION BENEATH.
Seeing the two questions and where you actually sit is the map. It's not the fix. Getting from Talking Past or Replay to Checking It, and eventually Hearing the Question, that's step six through eight, and it's not something a tool finishes alone.
See how it actually changes
Map another conversation